After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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