Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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