its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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