The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
