You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
