I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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