Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
