3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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