omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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