I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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