it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
