Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
