apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
