just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
