Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
