I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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