you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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