To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
