No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
