If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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