the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
