she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
