I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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