That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
