yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
