Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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