I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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