dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
