tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
