operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
