her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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