glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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