Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
