you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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