trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
