i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
