Cold hands, warm shart.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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