What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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