if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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