There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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