And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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