1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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