sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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