Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
