ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
