There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
