OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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