is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
