Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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