She said her name was "party"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
