Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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