you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
