I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
