Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
