I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
