You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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