Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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