I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
