I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
