I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize