it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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