Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
